


Top Off the Bottle

by magnum_pi_4_life



Category: Magnum P.I. (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Bad Dreams, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Higgy needs her Magnum, Hurt/Comfort, I Love You, Kisses, Miggy - Freeform, Nightmares, PTSD, Past, Romance, Sad with a Happy Ending, Scars, Whump, haunted, long fanfics are long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25899184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnum_pi_4_life/pseuds/magnum_pi_4_life
Summary: Higgins has a nightmare and opens up to Magnum about it.
Relationships: Juliet Higgins/Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV
Comments: 22
Kudos: 87





	Top Off the Bottle

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with a fanfic! What a miracle. Yes, this is me not updating my Private Investiparents story, but I hope to get back to it soon, don't worry. Meanwhile, I'm up to my ears with new fanfic ideas and works in progress. Bear with me. 
> 
> So this fanfic started with a kissing prompt and I originally planned for it to be relatively short, but it escalated quickly, so here's how it turned out. Hope you like it!

_She was standing on the beach of the estate. She was smiling and breathing in the fresh ocean air, looking down at her feet planted in the warm sand. Life had never been more perfect. Hawaii was her home, she had friends that had become family, and a man who loved her more than she’d ever been loved before. Magnum was her everything, something she would have never thought was possible 2 years ago._

_She smiled, a burst of happiness in her chest. But in a split second, it was all gone._

_She was standing in the rain on the banks of the Bosporus, wearing a trench coat. She was wet and cold and instead of her feet wriggling in the sand, her toes were curling in her boots. Shivering, she looked around, confused._

_Through the fog, she spotted something a few yards away, and began walking towards it, not being able to decipher what it was. It looked like a log at first, but as she neared it, her heart sunk at the realization. It was a body. She ran towards it, concern building for whoever it was._

_“Hello?”_

_Speaking was... difficult. She didn’t know why, but she cleared her throat and said it again._

_“Hello. Are you alright?”_

_She bent over the body, reaching a hand out and setting it gently on a coat-covered shoulder. It was a male, that she could tell from the short dark hair and the shape of him, but his body was disturbingly solid. Not as in muscular, but as in hard and cold, unmoving. A familiar feeling. He was dead. And had been for quite some time._

_She hesitated before taking a deep breath and pulled hard on his shoulder until he rolled over. With a thud, he landed on his back and she gasped sharply, her breath sticking in her throat now that she could see his face._

_She shook her head, not wanting to believe what was right in front of her. It was impossible._

_“No.”_

_Her lips quivered and her throat tightened, and as the tears rolled down her face, she couldn’t even choke out the name of this man that she knew. So she just screamed._

· · · · ·

“Higgins, hey, wake up. Higgy. Juliet!”

Higgins eyes shot open and she gasped, jolting upright. A hand immediately landed on her thigh and she nearly shrieked, recoiling so suddenly that she almost fell off the bed.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Juliet, it’s me.”

She blinked, gripping the side of the mattress. “Thomas?”

“Yeah,” he said. “You okay?”

The bedside lamp was on, so she could clearly see Magnum, sitting up in the bed, worry etched across his face. Her eyes landed on his naked chest, and if she remembered correctly how the night had gone, he probably didn’t have anything on but a pair of boxers underneath those sheets.

She swallowed and ran a hand through her hair, feeling the cold sweat on her forehead. “I’m fine.”

“That must have been some nightmare.”

She met his gaze and after studying the concern in those furrowed brows and the understanding in his eyes, she nodded.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No, I—” she drew in a shaky breath. “I’m fine.”

He cocked his head (probably in doubt) before he gave her a small, sad smile, and began to inch his way towards her. As he did so, he gently took her hand in his and pulled her away from the edge of the bed, and Higgins didn’t hesitate to scoot closer to him as well. He pulled a stray curl from her face and slid one of the straps from the skimpy slip she wore back onto her shoulder.

Higgins smiled softly at his touch, but unbeknownst to Magnum of course, it only made her think further about her nightmare. She could see it as clearly as if she was still having it, and before she knew it, she was so lost in it instead of being lost in Magnum’s attempts to distract her.

Tears began to roll down her cheeks without her consent and she buried her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking uncontrollably. Without skipping a beat, Magnum wrapped his arms around her, and her cries became more audible even as she tried her best to control them.

“Hey, hey,” Magnum murmured, his voice low against her ear. “It’s okay, I’m here.”

Higgins coughed through her sobs. She was trying so hard to stop the tears and the building lump in her throat, but it was all for naught. The more the tried, the harder it got, and the more she tried to brush the image of her dream away, the more it imprinted itself in her brain.

Magnum slipped one of his arms underneath hers, and she turned her body towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He pressed her to him, so close and tight that Higgins immediately felt safer but not any less ashamed of her emotions being so blatantly exposed. She buried her face into Magnum’s shoulder and closed her eyes, causing a tear to slip down her cheek, which she was sure landed on his skin.

He was so warm. She felt him press a kiss to the side of her head and just stay there, breathing her in.

“I’m sorry,” she said, and closed her hands into fists, her nails stroking the muscles in his back.

His lips left her hair and he kissed her neck. “Don’t apologize.”

She scoffed, but smiled. He always said that. She and Magnum hadn’t been together that long and he’d already helped her through quite a few of her nightmares. Every time she accidentally woke him, she apologized, and every single time, he told her not to.

“I’m not a psychologist, Juliet, but...”

He pulled away from her so she could see his face and she was met with that same comforting smile underneath those chocolate-colored eyes that would turn into literal hearts if they conveyed any more love than they already did.

“...I’ve spent my fair share time with them,” he finished. “When I was staying at the military hospital after we escaped the Taliban, I had an average of 10 nightmares and panic attacks every night. Every morning after, the therapist would ask me to talk about them. Part of the treatment.”

He paused and Higgins felt his thumb stroke her waist. Part of her wanted to interrupt him and tell him that she knew what he was about to ask of her, but she remained silent, letting him finish.

“What I’m saying is that it’s not healthy to keep things like that bottled up inside. In most cases, it’s the worst possible thing you could do. So if you need to get it off your chest...” She looked down, but he cupped the side of her face with his hand, gently lifting her gaze back to his. “I’m right here.”

Higgins sighed as the lump in her throat returned. His intentions were so pure and good, but he was asking too much of her. “I can’t do that,” she said, half telling him, half pleading with him not to make her.

Magnum smiled and nodded in understanding. “I know.” He planted a kiss on her forehead and Higgins closed her eyes in an unspoken thank you.

“Let’s get some sleep,” Magnum said, reaching behind him to turn off the bedside lamp. The room went dark and Higgins instantly felt Magnum’s hands on her, pulling her down on the mattress. His arms circled her waist as he spooned her, pressing her back against him, and if the light was on, Higgins would find that she was mostly on his side of the bed than hers.

She closed her eyes, praying that sleep would overcome her and make her forget everything, but she was as awake as she would be at high noon. This usually happened after a nightmare, and she would either take a cold shower, a walk on the beach, do some yoga, or read until she fell asleep again. Anything that would calm her shaken nerves. Now she had Magnum’s embrace to comfort her, which was equally calming, but something wasn’t sitting right.

She opened her eyes again and started chewing her lip. Her mind was whirling, thinking about what Magnum had said. As much as he could be wrong about a lot of things, he was right about a lot, too. Especially things that hit close to home. PTSD, losing someone close to you, someone you loved, etc.

She knew how much he cared about her, how much he loved her, and what he had said was only proof of that. He wanted to help her. And now she felt like she had just brushed him and his advice away. He probably didn’t think that — he understood, she could see that in his face — but she felt it now, pricking at her conscience like a poisoned arrow head.

When was the last time she took the top off the bottle of every misery, every product of her past that she held inside her? She’d opened up about a few things, but certainly not something like this. Something that displayed such weakness.

She cringed and if she didn’t think Magnum would see, she would’ve face palmed right there. All of her excuses for not opening up to him about her pain were selfish and weak in themselves. Magnum, who had told her just last week while they made love in the middle of the night, that he’d love her through the best and the worst, just wanted to help her through all of it. And she had pushed him away.

Higgins felt a burning in her throat as well as a sudden resolve right then to tell him everything. She owed him that much.

She sat up quickly without thinking twice about it and obviously startled Magnum, who groaned sleepily now that his human pillow was no longer in his arms. With his hands still on her, Higgins climbed over him, turning the lamp on so they would be able to see each other.

She backed up from him, and watched as Magnum lifted himself on one arm, still lying on his side. He squinted at her, confused, and she started to second-guess her decision to practically spill her guts to him. She bit her lip and looked away from him, crossing her arms.

“Juliet?”

Higgins warmed. She loved when he said her name.

“What is it?”

She took in another deep breath.

“Richard was found on the banks of the Bosporus,” she said. Not the best way to begin, but she honestly didn’t know where to begin anyway. Her heartbeat quickened. “It’s a— a strait in Turkey that separates Europe from western Asia. I wasn’t even there when they found his body, Thomas, but...in my dreams?” Her throat burned as she spoke. “I’m always there.”

In the corner of her eye, she saw Magnum sit up all the way, but she kept her eyes straight ahead. Just because she was telling him everything, didn’t mean she had to look at him the whole time.

“Always,” she repeated. “I see everything. It’s always the same. Most times anyway, but—”

“Juliet,” Magnum cut her off and she looked at him. He had scooted closer to her again, something she hadn’t noticed.

“I want you to know that you should never be ashamed about that fact that you still think about him,” he finished.

Her heart lurched.

“You loved him. People we loved that much never really leave us, even after we move on.” He paused, those sad eyes locked onto her own as if he was staring into her soul. “They’ll follow us in our dreams and our thoughts, and there’s nothing we can do about it. And we shouldn’t feel like we have to apologize for it.”

Higgins felt a tear welling up and then slip down her cheek, slow and silent. “Oh, Thomas. I didn’t dream about Richard.”

“But you—”

“It was you I found.”

Magnum’s face morphed from confusion to comprehension faster than Higgins thought it would, and she was thankful that she wouldn’t have to explain. She wouldn’t have to tell him how in her dream, it was his body that had washed up on the Bosporus instead of Richard’s, his body she had found, bloody and bloated and utterly lifeless, his body that she cried over until her tears ran out. His life that she had cursed God for not saving.

Her lips quivered, and she sighed in annoyance as a few more tears escaped her eyes. She tried to hide it by looking down at her hands, anxiously playing with her fingers. That’s when she felt Magnum’s warmth against her body as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek. She felt his lips meet the moisture on her skin, and when he moved to kiss her other cheek, she closed her eyes, smiling when she realized he was kissing her tears.

“I’m right here,” he said, his voice low and oh so soft, as he switched to her other cheek to kiss another tear like it was some sort of living water.

His hands slid to her waist, and she breathed him in, lifting her head slightly, her eyes still closed. She raised her own hands and slid them up his arms. His comforting kisses slowly began to change from just kissing her softly on the cheeks to kissing her all over her face, her forehead, her nose, her chin, her jawline, each kiss more hungry than the other.

She finally opened her eyes and she had just enough time to see his smile before Magnum pressed his lips to hers, making her close her eyes once again. Higgins lost all control over her body and she barely noticed Magnum gently push her forward until they were both laying down, his hands circling her waist. She moaned against his lips, wrapping her arms tight around his neck as if they could possibly meld their bodies together more than they were already.

They broke the kiss when they ran out of air and Higgins smiled up at him.

“Thank you, I—,” she paused to breathe, “needed that.”

Magnum chuckled, and kissed her again, shorter this time, but long enough for him to let out a delicious hum. His mouth trailed down her jaw to her neck, where he stayed.

“Thank you for telling me,” he said, his breath against her ear.

Higgins could practically hear his thoughts. What she had done, what she had told him, it meant something to him. Not just that he wouldn’t have to go on wondering what haunted her that night, but that he knew how hard it was for her and she still told him anyway, actually confided in him about it. And yes, it was hard, but now Higgins could say that it was worth it.

She smiled and ran her fingers through his hair. “I’m honestly surprised you didn’t tell me you were flattered that you’re the one I dream about these days.”

“Oh, I am, I am,” he replied, raising his head to look at her, smiling wickedly.

She rolled her eyes and laughed, generating a laugh from Magnum as well. It was a beautiful sound in the otherwise silent room, and she wanted to soak in every moment of such happiness. She quieted, and began studying Magnum’s face, his smile, the lines in the corner of his eyes when he laughed, so much so that if she had closed her eyes, she would have been able to see every detail perfectly still.

“Juliet?”

She blinked. “Hm?”

“I love you.”

It shocked Higgins, even though he’d told her that plenty of times before. She, however, had a harder time saying it so simply. She lost the people she loved. And even though she knew that not saying those three words wouldn’t change the fact that she did truly love him, it intimidated her to say it out loud. Like it was some sort of speaking his death into existence if she did.

“It’s okay,” Magnum said, “I know it’s hard for you say it.”

She squinted. What was he, a mind reader?

“But you already have,” he continued. She cocked her head. “You dream about the people you’re afraid to lose. Because you love them.”

She bit her lip and Magnum just kissed it.

“That’s all the proof I need.”

Higgins gaped at him. She’d never thought about it in that way, and felt a sort of relief inside her. She wanted to say something in reply, but was at the loss for words. What had she done to deserve this man who understood her almost better than she did? She smiled up at him and silently praised whatever string of fate that had so unexpectedly tied them together.

Magnum returned the smile and rolled off of her, obviously not expecting or needing her to say anything in reply.

“You wanna give sleep another shot?” he asked.

She chuckled and turned on her side so that they were facing each other. “Please.”

He turned off the lamp once again and the room went dark. Like clockwork, his hands were a cocoon around her and this time he threw one of his legs over her. She hummed and placed her hands on his chest, nestling herself against him, her head under his chin. She could finally relax and relished the feeling of his embrace, closing her eyes to take it in.

She would end up having another nightmare that night. The dream itself wouldn’t wake her, but rather Magnum drew her out of it by rubbing slow circles on her back and softly coaxing her to wake up. He held her through it all, whispering those comforting words like “I’m right here” and “It’s okay”. She wouldn’t cry out this time, and instead steady her breathing by listening to his, pressed up against his chest, his heartbeat under her hands. And in the stillness of the moment, in the silence of the room, she would finally whisper “I love you”.

**Author's Note:**

> The kissing prompt was #39 "Kissing tears from the other's face". 
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed this! I have other fanfics coming soon, the one I'm currently working on is a funny, considerably more lighthearted one based on true experiences, lol. That'll be a trip. 
> 
> I love to hear what you guys thought of this!


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